IronQuiz: Who Did These Kids Grow Up To Be?

4/2007

So you think you're an Iron Whiz, do you? Raced in or watched several dozen IMs, read all the race programs and every page of the Website, attended every interview and subscribed to all the magazines?

 

Jeez, do you ever need a life.

 

But, no matter. As we learned in college, there's only one reason to know stuff, and that's so you can pass tests. Try the following questions about the 2006 race and the Ford Ironman World Championship in general. To see the correct answers, go to the bottom. (All the answers were certified by some guy in Kona Amigos.)

 

  1. What was so unusual about the athletes with the four fastest swim times?

A: They were all age groupers.

B: They were all wearing fins.

C: They were all on the same swim team at UC Santa Rosa

D: They all cheated.

E: They weren't officially entered in the race.

 

 

  1. Who participated in a Hawaiian "cleansing ceremony" prior to the awards banquet, and why?

A: Ben Fertic, because the flowers in the lei he wore at the carbo party actually came from New Jersey.

B: Bob Babbitt, owing to an unfortunate accident involving the "Four Alarm Piledriver Burrito" he'd eaten the night before the race.

C: Normann Stadler, because he threw his winner's wreath on the ground at the finish area.

D: Greg Welch, for having personally cooked Babbitt's burrito.

E: Paris Hilton, because…well…because she needed it.

 

 

  1. What is significant about these three triathletically-depressing songs: "Another One Bites the Dust," "Highway to Hell," "Prop Me Up."

A: They were all written by rocker and amateur triathlete Tom Petty.

B: They each contain the lyrics "Go for it!"

C: They each contain at least one Hawaiian word.

D: They're all on Sister Madonna Buder's iPod.

E: They were all played at the finish line.

 

 

  1. What point on the race course was closest to the earthquake's epicenter? (Bonus: How far away was it?)

A: One mile west of the Kawaihae cutoff

B: Three miles south of the Hawi bike turnaround

C: Just south of Waikoloa Beach Road

D: St. Peter's church (run turnaround on Ali'i)

E: Racer #542's bike rack on the pier.

 

 

  1. How did the strength of the quake compare to California's massively destructive Northridge quake of 1994?

A: They were identical.

B: The Kona quake was bigger because Los Angeles is full of wuss-burgers.

C: The Northridge quake was bigger because Los Angeles has better special effects.

D: You can't tell because the announced size of the Kona quake kept changing.

E: What Northridge quake?

 

 

  1. Why was the giant Gatorade bottle deflated in the middle of race day, then re-inflated?

A: It was part of a negotiating tactic involving sponsorship renewal.

B: The exhibition display service got paid by the cubic foot of air pumped.

C: It cast a shadow on a Hawaiian Heiau, or holy temple, a major cultural no-no.

D: At that time of day it blocked the best light angles for the television cameras.

E: Somebody fell asleep at the valve.

 

 

  1. Who finished last, with less than a minute to spare?

A: Al Gore

B: Sister Madonna Buder

C: Eddie the Eagle

D: Henry Gale

E: Stephen Ubermass of Lakeland, Florida

 

 

  1. Aside from Natascha Badmann, how many other European women have won Kona?

A: One

B: Two

C: Three

D: Four

E: None

 

 

  1. Why didn't third-place finisher Faris Al-Sultan do Kona in 2001?

A: He didn't qualify.

B: He wasn't doing triathlons yet.

C: He was injured.

D: He chickened out.

E: The Transportation Security Administration wouldn't let him into the country.

 

 

  1. By the end of the day, who had finished 50 Ironman races?

A: Ken Glah

B: Luc van Lierde

C: Paula Newby-Fraser

D: Cowman

E: Dick Cheney

 

 

  1. Which of the following is true of 2006 hand-cycle champion Marc Herremans?

A: His hand-cycle weighs 14 grams.

B: He puts cheeseburgers in his special needs bag.

C: He came in sixth in the pro division in 2001.

D: He's from Neptune.

E: His coach removed the brakes from his hand-cycle before the race.

 

 

  1. Which of the following is true of second-place W45-49 finisher Lydia Delis-Schlosser?

A: Her shorts were on backwards the whole race.

B: She used a borrowed bike.

C: She used borrowed shoes.

D: She missed a spot when applying sunscreen and now has a sunburn that looks like exactly like St. Iphegenia of Padua.

E: Two days after the race her younger son caught a 150-pound brown shark less than twelve miles from the swim course.

 

 

  1. Who swore less than four years ago that he/she would "never, ever compete in an Ironman?"

A: Me

B: Dick Cheney

C: Normann Stadler

D: Women's winner Michellie Jones

E: Kevin Federline

 

 

  1. Who coached Michellie Jones to her 2006 victory?

A: Lance Armstrong

B: Angelo Dundee

C: Paula Newby-Fraser

D: Australian marathoner Rob de Castella

E: John Daly

 

 

  1. Prior to her first top-10 finish in Kona, what had been the highlight of Lori Bowden’s Hawaii Ironman experience?

A: Jumping up and down on her bed with her mom for an NBC feature.

B: Finding a brighter yellow racing outfit than Fernanda Keller.

C: Driving Scott Tinley’s car at the Ironman parade.

D: Finishing as the top age group competitor

E: All of the above.

 

 

  1. The policy of age division winners being automatically qualified for the following year's race was begun to commemorate what?

A: The fortieth anniversary of the Friar's Club roast.

B: Opening of the new glove department at the Kona Wal-Mart.

C: The addition of McRibs to the local McDonald's menu

D: The 25th anniversary of the Ironman

E: The official death of rock 'n' roll

 

 

  1. Which of the following is true?

A: The first marathon was run at the 1896 Olympic Games in Athens.

B: Baggage handlers at the Kona Airport turn every bike case upside down.

C: Dave Scott placed fourth at the World Championships at the age of forty.

D: Volcano goddess Pele lives on Mauna Kea.

E: I could do an Ironman if I wanted to.

 

 

ANSWERS

 

  1. What was so unusual about the athletes with the four fastest swim times?

A: They were all age groupers.

 

 

  1. Who participated in a Hawaiian "cleansing ceremony" prior to the awards banquet, and why?

C: Normann Stadler, because he threw his winner's wreath on the ground at the finish area.

 

  1. What is significant about these three triathletically-depressing songs: "Another One Bites the Dust," "Highway to Hell," "Prop Me Up."

E: They were all played at the finish line, one right after the other, at about 11:00 pm.

 

  1. What point on the race course was closest to the earthquake's epicenter? (Bonus: How far away was it?)

C: The bike course 2.3 miles south of Waikoloa Beach Road was only 3.2 miles from the spot in the ocean directly above the epicenter (which was actually fifteen miles down).

 

  1. How did the strength of the quake compare to California's massively destructive Northridge quake of 1994?

A: They were identical: 6.7 (Northridge was the first earthquake since the 1933 Long Beach quake to strike directly under an urban area of the United States.)

 

  1. Why was the giant Gatorade bottle deflated in the middle of race day, then re-inflated?

C: It cast a shadow on a Hawaiian Heiau, or holy temple, a major cultural no-no.

 

  1. Who finished last, with less than a minute to spare?

B: Sister Madonna Buder

 

  1. Aside from Natascha Badmann, how many other European women have won Kona?

E: None

 

  1. Why didn't third-place finisher Faris Al-Sultan do Kona in 2001?

E: It was just a month after 9/11 and the TSA wouldn't let him enter the U.S. because he was an Arab. Or so they thought. He's actually German.

 

  1. By the end of the day, who had finished 50 Ironman races?

A: Ken Glah. And it was his 23rd straight Kona finish.

 

  1. Which of the following is true of 2006 hand-cycle champion Marc Herremans?

C: He came in sixth in the pro division in 2001. And that was the able-bodied pro division.

 

  1. Which of the following is true of second-place W45-49 finisher Lydia Delis-Schlosser?

E: Two days after the race her younger son caught a 150-pound brown shark less than twelve miles from the swim course. And here's the picture to prove it:

 

 

  1. Who swore less than four years ago that he/she would "never, ever compete in an Ironman?"

D: Women's winner Michellie Jones

 

 

  1. Who coached Michellie Jones to her 2006 victory?

C: Paula Newby-Fraser

 

  1. Prior to her first top-10 finish in Kona, what had been the highlight of Lori Bowden’s Hawaii Ironman experience?

C: Driving Scott Tinley’s car at the Ironman parade, which was especially cool because she didn’t have a driver’s license.

 

  1. The policy of age division winners being automatically qualified for the following year's race was begun to commemorate what?

D: The 25th anniversary of the Ironman

 

  1. Which of the following is true?

B: Baggage handlers at the Kona Airport turn every bike case upside down. It's so they don't slide off the baggage transfer trailers. So pack carefully. By the way, Dave Scott finished second at the age of forty, Madame Pele lives in Kilauea and I wouldn't do an Ironman if wild crows were pecking out my eyeballs. But I could if I wanted to. Really.

 

 

Scoring:

13-15 correct:         You are an Ironman!

9-12 correct:           You are a tin man!

5-8 correct:             You are a nowhere man!

0-4 correct:             You are a girly man…